


Every Trace of You

by Ackailee



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, Felix Hugo Fraldarius Being an Idiot, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, M/M, Memory Loss, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Post-Blue Lions Route (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), Sylvain Jose Gautier Being An Idiot, Temporary Amnesia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-22
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:28:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 9,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26597551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ackailee/pseuds/Ackailee
Summary: Sylvain has always been known to be reckless. Not even going through the war could stop him from being careless towards combat out in the fields. After an easily avoidable incident, Sylvain went into a coma for several weeks. On the day he finally wakes up, he's just as obnoxious and bright as ever. But after catching a glance of an unfamiliar frowning individual in the room, he can't help but ask just who this person was.Post-Blue Lions Route in which Sylvain gets temporary amnesia and can't recall any memories of Felix.for Sylvix Week 2020. Will be posting daily for the whole week and try to squeeze in all the prompts into one fic.
Relationships: Felix Hugo Fraldarius/Sylvain Jose Gautier
Comments: 2
Kudos: 50





	1. Felix

"Greetings, Lord Margrave, sir! Nothing to report! It's been a while since you've visited the monastery. Though its rare to see you without Duke Fraldarius. I hope you have a pleasant visit!" The monastery gatekeeper was vibrant as ever, greeting and reporting whatever was on his mind to people who come and go. Even the most distant lords of Fodlan were no stranger to this same man who kept guard at the entrance. It was nice to know that this man remained within his memories as well.

If only he could say the same about the name that was mentioned just a moment ago.

It's been five months since he woke up from a coma that lasted three weeks. The great war against the fallen Adrestian Empire was already long over, but there were still plenty of loyalists in the shadows attempting to cause trouble to the war stricken western lands. These groups were not as strong as back in the war, but they could still pack a bite when they weren't careful.

Unfortunately, Sylvain was one of the leading generals who led the attack on bandits on the old imperial border towns and was far from careful at the time. With a soft spot for children, he was too focused on trying to save them instead of noticing that some of them held hidden blades.

Five stab wounds on his stomach and a large rock slammed over his head.

Even as these children fled, he didn't have the heart in him to throw a lance at their young bodies. The stab wounds were not very deep, but he had lost enough blood before healers could arrive. Having no available healers with them was another miscalculation on his part, admittedly a very arrogant and stupid decision.

As soon as he woke up, he was already expecting his friends to be yelling at him. Which was not far from the truth as Ingrid was up front in scolding him like a small child. Even his royal highness, Dimitri, and the archbishop and his old professor, Byleth, were by his bedside looking both relieved and annoyed at him.

However, there was one face among the crowd that he could not recognize. Raven-colored hair with a tint of the midnight sky and warm brown eyes that looked over at him with the most piercing and angered look out of everyone.

As soon as Ingrid was done giving her long speech to him that he was forced to listen to, Dimitri urged everyone to leave him to rest and give them some space. He wasn't sure who "them" meant, but he looked over to his right and the only person who was not moving to leave the room was the unfamiliar face.

"Well?" The man spoke with his arms folded and his expression still incredibly sour.

Sylvain wasn't sure how to react and looked over at Ingrid and Dimitri who were almost out the door, as if he was pleading for help.

"That's your problem now, Sylvie." Ingrid smirked at him triumphantly.

He wasn't sure what that meant, but he was trying his best to play it cool. Failing as he sounded very nervous while laughing towards the other man. No point in trying to figure out what was going on, so he just went for it.

"Hi... So what's your name?"

He continued to laugh off the awkward situation, but his laugh soon died down as he saw the look on everyone's faces. The only people left inside were Ingrid and Dimitri by the door and this unknown man beside him. He racked his brain to think of anything that would have caused everyone to look at him like he was crazy right now.

Even the man who kept glaring at him looked stunned, staring at him in disbelief. Even with this expression, the man still looked very endearing and handsome, a thought that Sylvain pushed back because now was really not the time to compliment people on their looks.

"Sylvain. Stop messing around. You're really going to get it now!" Ingrid huffed at him.

"I'm not! I'm sorry, but I don't understand what's going on." Sylvain raised his hands in defeat, trying his best to think and make sense of what was going on.

But saying that only made the situation worse. The man who stood beside him was out the door so quickly, he didn't even get to see the expression on his face.

"Felix, wait!" Ingrid chased after the man.

Dimitri stood by the door looking just as shocked as Sylvain was, and didn't move for a long while before returning to his senses. He walked over closer to Sylvain with a worried look. "This isn't a funny joke, Sylvain. You've been asleep for almost a month. Do you know how worried we all were?"

"A month...." He let that piece of information sink in first. Just how much did he miss in that time?

"Your highness, I don't understand this joke you're talking about either. I don't recall knowing that man." Sylvain spoke with pure honesty that even Dimitri couldn't deny it anymore.

It turned out that the man named Felix was a childhood friend of theirs and someone who Sylvain regarded closest to. Felix Hugo Fraldarius, a name that was very foreign to him, although he does remember Lord Rodrigue and and the eldest son, Glenn, of the house Fraldarius. There seemed to be more that Ingrid wanted to say to him, but Felix stopped her. Countless times Ingrid wanted to speak up with such an anxious expression, but whatever it was that Felix told her made her forget the idea.

It's been five months since that day he woke up with a missing memory of this person, who was close enough to him for people to search for his presence whenever Sylvain was alone. He had been recovering his injuries completely and spent the last few months catching up on all the work left behind on his absence back at Gautier.

As soon as the piles of work had calmed down, he finally got the chance to relax and think more on the issue at hand. He wanted to know if there were any other important people who he couldn't remember, but there was no way for him to know unless he went out of his home.

Luckily, the Millenium festival was close and it has become a special occasion for these old classmates from the Blue House to meet up at the monastery to celebrate together at least once a year. He's starting to feel nervous, wondering if he'll cause another awkward situation if he's forgotten another face among his friends. But this time, he felt determined to get close to Felix and perhaps rekindle whatever friendship they once shared.

It left a bad feeling on his chest to think that he could have forgotten someone he practically grew up with alongside Dimitri and Ingrid. The local doctors who treated his injuries also suggested to him that perhaps doing activities together with the person will bring back some memories. There really was something that needed to be done. He could no longer handle the pitiful looks all his soldiers and servants gave him unconsciously.

This person must be someone who visited Gautier very frequently to catch the concern of practically everyone there.


	2. An Absolute Idiot

At least from how the monastery looks, it stays truly the same as what he remembers. It looked just as it was before the great war happened where there was much needed reconstruction to fix all the destroyed structures. Even so, it was truly another place he could comfortably call home. Although he could no longer stay in his old room as it now belonged to an enrolled student he assumes, there was plenty of room in the visitor's building that the archbishop had specially built to have all her special guests stay comfortably during their visits.

On his way, he caught sight of a familiar tuft of bright orange hair sitting on a bench facing the student classrooms. Even as the years go by, this person still had the face of a young student and the height of one as well. But to avoid getting another person yelling at him, he opted to keep those observations to himself although they were clearly only out of endearment.

"Sylvain!" The person caught sight of him before he could sneak up on her.

They took a moment to have a long embrace, ignoring the looks from a few students passing by. "You're looking great, Annette. Have you gotten taller by any chance?"

"Very funny, Sylvain. Try something more original next time." She turned around and urged him to walk with her towards the guest's quarters. "So how's your injuries? I heard from Mercedes that there was quite a bit to be patched up."

"It's been almost half a year, guys. I'm fine! Nothing hurts at all, I swear." Sylvain assured her. "It's not like this is the first time any of us got hurt, right?"

Annette chuckled, "You're right. We all sustained quite the number of injuries back then during the war. However, we can't help it if we're feeling concerned, Sylvain. You went into a coma after all."

There was a bit of silence that followed. As if they were both expecting the other to continue the direction of where that conversation was going. But Annette didn't look like she was going to continue speaking, but rather had that same pitiful expression on her face that Sylvain has been seeing all too much to ignore.

"Are you not going to ask?"

"A-Ask what?" She chuckled again, albeit sounding more forced and anxious.

"About Felix."

She gasped loudly and excitedly beamed at him, "Do you remember him now?"

As much as he wanted to say yes and keep this hopeful expression on his friend's face, he couldn't gather the courage to. "Uhm... No. I guess I still don't. Ingrid and Dimitri filled me in on the basics."

And just like that, Annette's face looked heartbroken once again. Sylvain can't help but compare her expression to a maiden who had just lost her lover.

"Now that I think about it, we were all probably classmates in the academy, right? S-So you also knew him?"

Annette smiled, "Of course, dummy. Where else would he be?"

"Sorry, it's a bit hard to imagine I guess. What was he like?"

She opened her mouth to speak but closed it again to think. It took a while before she could give him an answer. "It's a bit hard to answer a question like that. You know, because you of all people would know what he was like. But to me... Felix was someone who was cold and critical on the outside. He always wore a scowl on his face, and he was incredibly rude to his highness as well."

"Rude to his highness?" Sylvain somehow couldn't imagine anyone being rude to Dimitri. Not even Dimitri while talking about Felix showed any sign that the man was one of crudeness.

"Yes, but somehow it was something we were all too used to. Even his highness usually brushes off Felix's words with a laugh by now. Oh, but don't get me wrong! Felix is only like that on the outside. The longer I've gotten to know him, the more I admire how he really is. He cares about his friends and family very much. Back when his highness was not in a great state of mind during the war, I always noticed Felix keeping guard. He was probably very worried that his highness would end up doing something rash and dangerous when nobody was looking. Whenever someone in our class got injured after a battle, he would train twice as hard as if he was trying to fill in for that person. He may seem distant and calculating, but he's also the type to tease and make fun of you in a way."

Sylvain found all of this too foreign, and his imagination refused to cooperate. Though he can't really have a basis of comparison aside from that one time they met when he woke up from the coma. The more he listened to Annette talk about Felix, the sadder he became. To think he would forget someone like this. And by Annette's words, Sylvain should know even more of Felix's layers than anyone.

Annette pouted and made an annoyed sound, stomping her feet on the ground.

"Annette?" Sylvain blinked rapidly in surprise.

"I can't take this anymore! You need to remember him, Sylvain! You just have to!" Annette looked like she almost wanted to cry right now, and Sylvain felt panicked.

"Okay, okay! Calm down, Annette. There's no rush right? I mean my memories should come back sooner or later."

"No! It has to be now! Because... Because...!" Annette wanted to say something, but she was holding herself back just as much.

Sylvain couldn't take it anymore. Everyone has been meaning to tell him something, but would end up never saying it. This isn't helping him with his anxiety at all. "Annette, please. Just tell me."

Just then, Annette began to tear up and cry in front of him. Sylvain was soon getting looks from students from afar, and he quickly pulled Annette into the building to calm her down. "Annette, what's wrong? I'm getting worried. Really."

"I've received news." It was a little hard to understand what she was saying, because she continued to sob in between words. "Felix has been considering marriage proposals from minor lords!"

Sylvain didn't understand why that was something bad. They were all of age already, and it really was about time they all started thinking about marriage and inheritance. But somehow, that logic didn't explain why Sylvain felt a pain in his chest after hearing those words. Deep inside him, he didn't want to see this man belonging in the arms of a stranger.

"W-Well, I should be congratulating him then...?" Sylvain awkwardly chuckled, hoping that it would calm Annette down. He should've known that it would only worsen the situation.

Annette looked absolutely stunned and somehow disgusted even as she stared at Sylvain. She huffed again and stomped hard on Sylvain's foot before marching away, "Sylvain, you idiot!!! Absolute idiot!!!"


	3. A Love Affair?

Sylvain was left crouching down in pain from his throbbing foot. For someone so small, that stomp pushed out all of Sylvain's strength. What was her problem? She even went calling him an idiot repeatedly as she scurried away.

"Hey Sylvain! Uhh... What are you doing on the ground?"

Another familiar voice greeted him, and Sylvain felt relief knowing that its another face he remembers well. "Hey Ashe. Just... Just give me a moment."

"I thought I heard Annette earlier. Was she screaming at you by any chance?" Ashe's straightforward and can-do attitude wasn't what Sylvain needed at his moment of weakness.

Sylvain finally recovered and got up again, stretching out his foot as he stood. "Wow, Ashe! Knight's armor looks pretty good on you."

Ashe smiled brightly with a bit of a blush from the sudden compliment. "Thank you! The professor- I mean the archbishop assured me that there was no need to be wearing the knight's uniform all the time, but I still feel very ecstatic when wearing it you know."

"Well, you've always wanted to be a knight, right? It's only natural to always feel energized when thinking about your dreams that you've pursued and accomplished."

"I feel relieved." Ashe said, but it was supposedly a thought not meant to be spoken.

"About what?"

"Oh!" Ashe felt embarrassed being caught thinking out loud again. "It's nothing... I guess I was worried that you would have forgotten about someone not very significant. Ah! I'm so sorry, Sylvain. That was probably very rude of me to say, considering the... circumstances. I was just overthinking, but I really am glad to see that you're alright."

"Thanks, Ashe. And don't worry, I'll be sure to remember you for as long as I live, so I can talk about a very valiant and brave knight to my future children." Sylvain said while laughing heartily.

But again, he is faced by the expression of worry and dread similar to Annette from earlier on Ashe's face. "Sylvain. Please tell me you haven't been fooling around with women recently, have you?"

Sylvain thought about that question for a bit. Now that he thinks about it, he actually hasn't been chasing after random women recently. He's been very busy with catching up with work after he got back up from the coma, so he hasn't had the time to be fooling around. But even before that incident, he tries to remember back further, and he cant recall a single woman he chased after since the great war.

"Sylvain..." Ashe called out to him again when he hasn't responded for quite a while. "You really did...?"

"What? Oh! No. I don't think I have, honestly." Sylvain answered truthfully, although looking a little uncomfortable. He cannot imagine himself suddenly stopping in his pursuit of ladies out of nowhere. There was something he was missing. "Ashe, what if I have met some women, but I just can't remember them?"

Ashe looked quite relieved, but then glared at Sylvain at that last comment. "Don't worry. From that answer, I can assure you that you've only forgotten one person."

That answer only left more questions in Sylvain's head. Sometimes he felt like people were now just confusing him at this point. It wasn't like he forgot his whole past or lost his smarts in the process. He just couldn't remember this one man, who for some reason, everyone is so sad about. Sure, Felix was described countless times to be his closest friend. They grew up together, trained together, won and lost battles together. But what's so hard about taking the time to be friends again? If they were so close in the past, wouldn't it be easy to just fill in the gaps?

Perhaps he was thinking about this issue in the wrong perspective. But what kind of perspective was he supposed to take when everyone looked at him with such a forlorn expression. Did he perhaps get into a fight with Felix before he lost his memories? But why would it relate to Annette's concern from earlier? Unless...

Could it be that Felix's marriage candidate was one of Sylvain's ex-girlfriends?

It has to be it, right? Maybe it got really awkward between them after that. And now Annette wants him to remember, so they could properly patch this up.

Sylvain isn't too sure how he would have reacted, since memories that involve an interaction with Felix were also very foggy. It has to be one of Sylvain's longest relationships for him to actually care at all. Though, he has seen a lot of his ex's flaunting their new man in front of him. And it never really left a reaction from him other than feeling relieved that the woman successfully got over someone problematic like him. Or maybe it was because Felix wasn't just any man, but his best friend?

Was the woman not a good match for Felix? Could this be why Sylvain got into a fight with him?

There were so many scenarios and speculations racing in his head that it was soon giving him a headache- an actual headache that staggered his footing quite a bit. This alarmed Ashe, who quickly pulled Sylvain to take a seat on one of the benches. 

"Hey, are you alright?" Ashe asked worriedly, ready to run out and call Mercedes or Ingrid for help.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I was just thinking really hard on what I'm forgetting and it backfired." Sylvain sighed, still feeling his temple pulsate.

"Just take it easy, Sylvain. We're all rooting for you to remember all the things you forgot, so there's no rush."

Hearing that made Sylvain feel a lot better, but it was a striking difference to how Annette reacted earlier. "I wish I didn't have to rush, but Annette told me something and begged me to remember as fast as I can."

"Was it when she was screaming at your face earlier?" Ashe chuckled, "What did she say?"

"She said Felix has been considering some marriage proposals."

The smile on Ashe's face instantly fell when he heard that, looking absolutely terrified now as well. "What?!"

"Ashe, can you please tell me why both of you are acting like its the end of the world? I can't understand the problem, if you guys won't tell me the whole story." Sylvain scratched his head in confusion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to add the tag Idiot x Idiot, because that's exactly what's going on in this chapter.


	4. Settling Down

"U-Uhm... I think I don't have the r-right to be the one e-explaining, Sylvain." Ashe turned his face away, blushing even more than before.

"What's going on here? Everyone's meeting over at the dining hall. Dedue has specially requested to be the one to prepare us some snacks!" A bright voice came out of nowhere which the perfect escape for Ashe. Ingrid walked up to them and Sylvain felt a little annoyed.

He wasn't annoyed at Ingrid directly, but he was annoyed that she had to arrive at this exact moment. There was no way he could ask Ashe to spill it when Ingrid is the main culprit as to why everyone seems to avoid the topic of Felix around him.

“Great timing, Ingrid!” Ashe chuckled a little loudly while unconsciously moving to put Ingrid between him and Sylvain. “We were just on our way actually.”

Sylvain gave up in trying to get his questions answered. For now. 

Ingrid was sure to bring Sylvain over to his room first to leave his things. The guest room wasn’t very large, but it was bigger than his old room. The bed was curiously larger than what you’d expect for a single person, and Sylvain could swear he saw another set of bags in the corner before Ingrid hurriedly grabbed his arm and led him back outside.

The walk to the dining was quite pleasant. Being able to talk with friends again after being holed up in Gautier for several months was a good break of pace. The conversation went smoothly, and Sylvain could easily relate with all the reminiscing they talked about.

But despite all of this, he still felt very uneasy. He expected them to at least give mention to Felix a few times, but it was like they were purposely trying to avoid the topic in front of him.

As soon as they arrived at the dining hall, Annette was already sitting with everyone else and staring daggers at Sylvain. 

Mercedes was first to greet their arrival and usher them over to their seats. Even their old professor and current archbishop was joining them for this meal. Beside Annette was a quiet figure with his focus solely on the book he was reading. It was the same casual glare on his face, and long dark hair that was loosely tied to one side, framing his face in a beautiful way.

Sylvain can’t remember if he’s ever referred to a man as beautiful, but there wasn’t anything else he could describe this person with. Ingrid once again was quick to push him forward and make him sit down directly in front of this beautiful person. 

“Hi...” Sylvain’s voice started out as friendly and loud, but slowly faded into silence when the person in front of him didn’t even look up to acknowledge his presence. Everyone on the table looked like they were trying so hard not to look at him like he was an idiot. 

Well he was determined to rekindle his friendship with Felix, but the person wouldn’t even look at him! What else was he supposed to do?

“Ehem... Dedue, these look delicious!” Ingrid pulled back the attention into the food that was placed on the table. 

The flow of the conversation went just as how Sylvain usually remembers it to be. Everyone was comfortably talking about how things were for them now or talking about some things they used to do with each other here in the monastery. 

But Sylvain’s focus was solely on the person across from him, taking note of every little thing he noticed. The deep set eyes that accentuated the intense stare they gave. The midnight sky-colored hair that looked smooth to the touch and nice to run your fingers through. 

There was obvious muscle under those clothes, but he could tell that his frame was relatively slender. His waist must also be small, perhaps enough for his hands to wrap around. He was already relatively pale-skinned, fairer than quite a few women he’s met. And maybe that would make the skin hidden under those thick clothes to be even lighter. 

Sylvain’s thoughts were interrupted when he felt pain from his foot. Ingrid stepped on the same foot that Annette had earlier, and it hurt more than getting punched in the gut. 

“Stop staring...indecently.” Ingrid whispered to him quietly, but he didn’t hear her well or simply didn’t understand what she meant.

“What’s with you guys stepping on my foot?” Sylvain bent down in pain, looking up at Annette. Everyone was now staring at him except for Felix, and he knocked on his brain for any sort of topic that would be interesting enough to talk about. “Oh yeah. I heard from Annette earlier...”

Annette’s eyes widened, and she was just about to jump him but an idiot’s mouth was just too fast.

“So you’re getting married soon, huh?” Sylvain continued talking vibrantly even as everyone else on the table was ready to drop kick him into the ground. “I don’t know about all the details but I’m happy for you and support you, so you don’t have to worry about me.”

Finally, Felix looked up at him but he had an expression on his face that Sylvain couldn’t describe. The whole table went silent, each person was audibly holding their breath. 

Felix didn’t say a word and stood up from his seat. He turned around to leave and left the hall impossibly more silent than before. Even people who weren’t dining with them at the time could feel the tension and stared as the Duke of Fraldarius left the room. 

“Sylvain... Why did you say that.” Ashe with a horrified looked said it like a statement rather than a question.

“Annette, what did you tell him exactly?” Dimitri asked calmly, trying to calm everyone down. 

“Definitely not to say that!” Annette was back to looking like she was about to cry. “I told you to remember him, so you could stop him!”

“Why would I stop him?” Sylvain asked, “What’s so wrong with my friends deciding to settle down?”

Ingrid was already getting up, ready to chase after Felix, but everyone got cut off by Mercedes who stood up while loudly smacking the table in front of her. Her voice was still like a gentle flower blooming, but you could hear that she has had enough of this charade. “Everyone, I’m sorry but I cannot allow this to continue anymore. Sylvain.” She looked over to him with a determined face.

“Mercedes-“

“You and Felix are dating. You are a couple.”


	5. "I finally got you..."

Longer silence followed among virtually every single person inside the dining hall. Sylvain didn't say a word although he did have a shocked expression, and he waited. He wasn't sure what he was waiting for exactly. Perhaps a punchline or a continuation that all led ultimately to some badly timed joke.

But nobody else spoke up, eyes downcast on the table towards the food beginning to chill. Sylvain was beginning to think that nobody was kidding at all, and that the reason this whole awkward fiasco has been running about was because that was the truth.

People have been looking at him like he had just lost all of his family all over again. He's seen gazes of pity so many times in the past that he could tell exactly what people were thinking. Except this time, he wasn't sure why people were acting like it was the end of the world that he could not remember this man.

But this wasn't just any man. Felix was his lover. As crazy as it sounds to him, who does not recall any history of having interest towards men, he didn't feel repulsed. Simply looking at that man was enough to force his eyes to travel down the other in the most indecent way possible.

The thought of being more than just Felix's best friend actually made his heart jump slightly from his chest. He didn't even notice himself getting up from the table and rushing out the door where Felix left from.

His legs kept pushing him forward into a sprint. How was he going to find someone in this large place? He had no clue where to begin. He was rattling his brain to think of a place that would make sense, but his memories were blank.

It was only until he felt his breath return to him and his legs stop in front of two large doors did he come back to his senses. He looked around, confused as to why he was in front of the training grounds. It was not a good feeling to have his mind go blank like that, knowing everything that has happened to him.

He could hear grunting and loud slashing of a weapon across the air from inside the training grounds. It would be stupid for him to rush inside and disturb the students training inside, and he stepped back. He still needed to find Felix.

As he turned towards the path to the classrooms, he caught a glimpse of inside the training grounds as there was a slight gap between the two doors.

His expression glowed and he quickly pushed through into the training grounds, eyes following the swift figure that was moving across the sand like he was passionately dancing with a sword.

Felix was quick to notice another presence with him, looking back to glare at whoever it was. As soon as the sun shone against Sylvain, Felix's expression softened for a short moment. But he looked away immediately and continued to swing his sword.

His stance became quite stiff, conscious about his movements, but still deadly even as he only held a training sword. Sylvain was had finally found him somehow, but he didn't know what he was supposed to do now. If he tried coming closer, he feared that he'd become a training dummy himself.

"The training grounds isn't for audiences. If you're not here to grab a weapon, then get out." Felix said with his back still turned.

Sylvain was determined to get to talk to Felix. It was a good opportunity since it was just the two of them right here. Without any reluctance, he grabbed a training lance and got closer.

He hasn't even assumed a stance yet and his life flashed before his eyes as a sword was overhead and aiming straight at him. It was a close call, but he managed to dodge with reckless footing. He quickly got into a defensive stance, raising his lance for a block.

Was he really using a training sword? The force was strong enough to stagger him and release his lance if he hadn't been gripping it as tight as possible.

But Sylvain could spot weak points- just as careless as the heavy blows towards him. These attacks weren't even about sparring anymore. It was like this man was just doing whatever it takes to slam him into the ground with a vengeful rage.

And so Sylvain waited, looking for the best moment to strike and turn the tides of this fight. Felix was getting aggravated, yelling at him to fight and stop running away.

It was difficult to strike back, ending up getting hit by the hard wooden sword several times in the process. No hit was lethal but still enough to make his muscles strain. It's been a while since he had a proper fight, getting held back by his household so his wounds could heal to the fullest.

Remembering that, Sylvain bit his tongue at the foul move he was about to do. He staggered down and clutched his temples to feign pain, curling up slightly in preparation for a hit in case this trick didn't work.

Surprised, Felix released his weapon immediately and rushed to grip Sylvain's arm. "Sylvain???" He worriedly asked, pulling up the other as to not fall over.

Sylvain took this chance and wrapped his arms around the other as they both fell into the sand with Felix on top of him.

"What-" Felix squirmed and glared at him, but Sylvain had a strong grip on his waist. "Sylvain!"

Sylvain stared into Felix's flustered face with reddening ears, and he hadn't realized the smile and chuckle that left him. "I finally got you..."

Felix didn't expect to hear that and quickly looked away angrily, his whole face starting to mimic the shade of a ripened tomato. "Let go." His voice was quiet.

"No." Sylvain answered. "I want to know the truth, Felix. Not from anyone else. I want to hear it from you."


	6. Argument

Felix closed his mouth, grinding his teeth slightly and refusing to look at the person's face that was a mere inches away from him. Sylvain felt a little lonely, loosening his grip on Felix's waist. 

Just as Felix was about to escape, Sylvain blurted out what was on his mind. "Did you not love me?"

Sylvain immediately regretted saying that when he saw the shift in Felix’s expression. Knowing the few circumstances of this current issue, Sylvain knew he shouldn’t be spouting out words without careful consideration. But he didn’t understand why Felix was hiding this in the first place, and has made him a little insecure of the status of this relationship he wasn’t aware of.

Felix broke from Sylvain’s grip and rushed out the training grounds, and Sylvain didn’t have the strength to run after him again this time. He was getting more and more confused, and everybody’s reactions didn’t seem to make any sense.

It was clearer to him now that there was definitely something going on between him and Felix. But why was Felix hiding this for months, ignoring him, and avoiding Sylvain in whatever situation?

The logical conclusion would be that perhaps the relationship was a farce. But seeing that hurt look on Felix’s face didn’t make sense either. Because if this man truly didn’t have any feelings for Sylvain, then he would surely say it clearly than avoid it completely. 

The doors of the training grounds opened slightly and Sylvain caught a glimpse of Ingrid peeking inside. He was still lying down on the sand, building up the courage to get up and find Felix again.

“Sylvain?? Are you alright?” Ingrid rushed inside and revealed that Dimitri was also sneaking about with her. 

“I’m fine.” Sylvain replied with a grunt, covering his face. 

“I saw Felix storming away from here. He looked.... hurt.” Ingrid crouched down to sit beside Sylvain.

“Sylvain, we apologize for keeping this from you the entire time.” Dimitri joined them on the ground. 

And for once in a very long time, it felt like the three of them were back to when they were kids and not individuals with important titles. Even as he’s surrounded by the two most familiar faces to him, he knew that there was someone missing here.

Sylvain was quiet for a while, but Ingrid and Dimitri just sat with him in silence. It was comforting to be with them, but he still felt strongly betrayed. This wasn’t just about Felix hiding it. Everyone including these two people that Sylvain would trust with his life had hidden the truth. 

“Hey....” He quietly said to get their attention. His eyes were closed, and he was still on the ground looking like he was sleeping peacefully. “Can I trust you guys to tell me now? Everything this time?” 

It took a moment for either of the two to start talking, but Ingrid finally cleared her throat and began speaking. “Well... Where do you want to start?” Sylvain opened his eyes when he felt a gentle hand over his head, and he saw Ingrid smiling at him with an apologetic face.

“When did Felix and I.... you know.” Sylvain has never felt embarrassed about talking about his relationships in the past, but talking about Felix made him feel a bit shy for once.

“Right after the war against the Adrestrian empire ended a few years back, we were always so sure that you two would have already gotten together. But you two took soooo long to the point that everyone was getting tired of seeing the weird tension between you two.” 

“W-wait. Ingrid, you mean everyone knew there was something going on between us?"

"You two could have fooled almost everyone when we were still students, but you can never fool me and his highness."

Sylvain looked over at Dimitri to confirm this and was answered by a rare embarrassed grin. "It was quite difficult pretending not to notice. But considering your background with- ahem... various women, it was not immediately obvious to all our other classmates."

There were so many questions that Sylvain wanted to ask himself, but he allowed Ingrid and Dimitri to go ahead and start sharing whatever memories Sylvain couldn't remember. When he looked back at those times, there was the presence of another person that he can’t visually imagine.

Hearing them talk about Felix made him smile without even realizing it. Although they were talking about someone almost foreign to him, he knew in his heart that this person was someone close and dear to all three of them here.

They hadn’t even realized that so much time had already passed and it was getting dark. Sylvain sat up quickly with a flustered face, “I need to find Felix!”

“Ah, that’s right... Sylvain what happened earlier?” Ingrid frowned, remembering how Felix looked like he was ready to cry while running earlier.

“I messed up. I kind of asked him if he never even loved me... or something like that.” Sylvain still found it extremely embarrassing to talk about this genuinely regarding someone he has a relationship with.

Ingrid and Dimitri proceeded to stare at him with very judgmental gazes. 

“I know! I’m sorry!” 

“Sylvain, before you go... There’s something you must know.” Ingrid hesitated for a moment, wondering just how much she should be meddling into this. 

“Ingrid. Please tell me. I need to know if it is something that would help me understand why Felix is avoiding me.”

“I know. I know.” Ingrid sighed. “Before you got into that incident that led to your coma, the two of you had a fight I think. And... it was why I agreed to not say anything up until now.”

“This is the first time I’m hearing of this as well.” Dimitri commented. “Though, the both of them are constantly fighting about anything.”

“Yeah, they do... But this fight was a little different. Felix didn’t give me all the details, but I could tell that he wasn’t lying either. To be honest, I don’t know what you two were fighting about, and I felt like Felix wasn’t ready to talk about it. But by the end of this argument, you said something along the lines of... wishing that you two had never gotten together.”


	7. Say My Name

Even Dimitri’s jaw dropped upon hearing this and looked at Sylvain with a more judgmental look. 

“W-What! That’s ridiculous! I...” Sylvain’s voice went quiet. He tried his best to force a memory in his head, but there was nothing coming to mind.

“I’m not saying anything against you, Sylvain. Because if there’s anything I know for sure, you can say pretty stupid things when you’re angry. And you two were in a very heated argument, so I guess things just escalated...” Ingrid tried to calm him down, but it was hard trying to say something nice about talking to your lover that way.

“Even at the start of your relationship, Felix had already been very reluctant and insecure.” Dimitri pointed out. “He may be very outspoken and stubborn, but towards you, I think his feelings are more easily swayed.” 

“And then you got into that coma...” Ingrid frowned. “For those months where you were asleep, Felix was the one who always stayed by your side. Keeping an eye on you day in and day out. Even going as far as working on his responsibilities for Fraldarius while sitting right beside you. Several times had the housekeep of Gautier have to drag him out the room to get some sunlight or just stop looking so depressed inside your room.”

Sylvain could only imagine how all of that had happened. After getting into a heated argument, he got injured so badly that he got into a coma for a month. 

His expression dropped, remembering how insensitive he was at the moment he had woken up. He pretended like everything was fine, even laughing at his friends' worried faces.

Then he remembers Felix's face.

To be told by your lover that you regretted the relationship, and the next time you see each other, your lover looks at you like a stranger — Sylvain could feel his chest tighten at the thought, and he could feel anger towards himself.

“Yeah, the only times he’d leave the room was if either Ingrid or I were to stay in the room. And it was involuntary as well.” Dimitri smiled. “He was really worried, and I could tell that the moment you woke up, he was ready to jump into your arms."

Sylvain stood up with a heavy heart. "I need to go find him now." 

"Just know this about Felix, alright. He's never honest about his feelings a lot of times. He could be annoyed by all three of us here, but he'd never hate us." Ingrid quickly added, "And we know for a fact how much he loves you most of all."

That made Sylvain feel his face go warm, but he smiled over to them first before quickly running out the training grounds. 

It was nearing evening now, and Sylvain has almost finished circling the entire monastery twice. He's even forced himself up towards the archbishop's quarters just to check if Felix really wasn't hiding there somewhere. 

He had already verified from the gatekeepers that Lord Fraldarius has not left the monastery yet. 

Every guest room where they're staying has also been checked by Sylvain, disturbing all his old friends and even other guests he's not familiar with. He was starting to feel frustrated, wondering if they maybe had a secret space together that he can't even remember. 

When the moon was up and bright, the patrolling guards urged him to rest for the night. He knew he wasn't going to get any sleep tonight unless he found Felix, but he didn't want to be rude to the knights either. 

He wasn't giving up, but he decided to head over to his room first to change out of his clothes still covered in sand. 

As soon as he got inside and closed the door, he started undressing and removing his top. He looked up towards the middle of the room and saw a figure lying down on the bed, staring up at him with a shocked expression.

"Felix!" Sylvain exclaimed, tossing his top aside and running over towards the bed.

Felix pushed himself back away from Sylvain, crawling off the bed and reaching for his bags. But Sylvain was faster, wrapping his arms around Felix's body again from behind and pulling him backwards onto the bed. 

"Let go!" Felix struggled, squirming aggressively. Sylvain could still feel the heavy blows from the fight earlier, but he refused to let go.

"Felix..." Sylvain said his name again, quieter this time, leaning his face into Felix's untied hair. 

"Don't say my name." Felix responded with a cold voice. "Don't act like you know who I am."

Sylvain didn't know how to respond to that, but he tightened his grip around Felix. "Felix, I'm sorry... I shouldn't have said that to you."

Felix had stopped struggling, but he was still not responding to Sylvain. There was a silence between them that grew more awkward by the second. "I'm sorry for not being careful during that mission. I should've known better. I'm sorry, Felix..." 

He continued calling Felix's name, asking for forgiveness, and hoping this man would finally say something. Anything. This man could scream at his face right now, and Sylvain would be thankful.

After a long while, Sylvain noticed Felix's shoulders were shaking slightly. "Felix? What's wrong?" He gently released his hard grip, pulling on Felix to turn around and face him. Nothing could surprise him more than seeing Felix with tears in his eyes, pushing Sylvain's face away and covering his own.

Sylvain instinctively reached his hand out to the back of Felix's head and gently pulled him closer, kissing the hands covering his face. He knew Felix probably didn't like being treated delicately, but he was slow and tender with his kisses.

Seeing Felix like this just didn't feel right to him, and he felt guilty for being the cause of all of this. He slowly pulled Felix's hands away, reassuring him with soft pecks over his knuckles. His thumb brushed slowly against Felix's closed eyes to wipe away the tears that pooled back immediately.


	8. Nothing

Sylvain moved Felix to lie down almost completely on top of him, kissing his cheeks first to test out the waters. He didn't want to be too abrupt and cause more stress for Felix. 

"Felix..." Sylvain quietly said, cupping one of Felix's cheek and keeping his other arm wrapped securely around his waist. "Felix, I love you."

No response. But Sylvain kept repeating the words quietly, whispering it into Felix's blushing ear. 

Being this touchy-feely and sincerely saying words he'd surely be embarrassed of were things Sylvain never did with all the women he's ever dated. He never expected much out of a relationship for him to become this attached.

From a young age, after his brother had been taken out of the family picture, he had been constantly reminded how he has to be the next heir of House Gautier. He had been trained to be a gentlemen, and if there's anyone who has perfected how to properly woo a woman to his side, that would be Sylvain. 

The next heir needed to have a good position in the continent. He needed to be well-trained and educated. He needed a wife and children to continue to bloodline. 

All were requirements pushed against nearly every child born to nobility. 

At first, he was fine with this kind of life. Male nobility at least had the chance to choose who to wed unlike their female counterparts. So he never dared to complain, knowing very well that one of his best friends, Ingrid, would have to face the life of being presented to dozens of men until they choose to marry her. 

But choosing a wife to marry wasn't the issue that Sylvain grew to hate as he grew older and older. It was the fact that so many were chasing after him as a husband, and not because of his achievements or for himself as a person. Rather, eyes were on him because he held the Crest of Gautier. 

This cursed crest which caused the relationship between him and his older sibling to fall apart and forcibly tore his brother away from their family. He was too young to understand before why Miklan had hated him so much, but now he couldn't even look at himself proudly as he is. Because the Sylvain Gautier that every body looks at is a mere shadow of the Crest that he holds. 

It didn't matter to anyone in other noble families even if he had crooked values or when he has multiple short relationships with various women in the kingdom. Nobody seemed to care that he had such a terrible personality, because the only thing that mattered in their eyes was that Sylvain was a noble house heir with a crest.

No one except the people who have become closer to him than family here within the Blue Lions classroom. He was always reminded and reprimanded, something he never got the honor of experiencing from his real family. 

A cold heart felt warmth among these people. And it felt like it was on fire whenever he would even look at this man that he held tightly in his arms right now. Felix was so unfamiliar in his mind, but his body and heart felt extremely drawn to him.

The mere fact that he could feel honest with this person was enough to reassure him that they were more than just classmates. And although it still felt foreign to him to be interested in men, he'd take one look at Felix's face and wash away any doubts. 

"Felix? I love youuuu." He stressed and chuckled softly before leaving a small peck over Felix's lips.

The kiss on the lips shocked Felix quite a bit, and he began to struggle in Sylvain's arms again. "Please stop." Felix's voice was clear but he did sound quite distressed. "Stop fooling around, Sylvain."

"I'm not fooling around. Can't I hug and kiss my lovely boyfriend?" Sylvain moved to place kisses over Felix's neck after the other moved his head away.

"I'm not your boyfriend. Not anymore." Felix took this opportunity to finally get away when Sylvain was in a state of shock. "You had made it very clear that there should have never been anything between us from the start. So you can stop playing along with Ingrid's stories."

Those words left a painful sting in Sylvain's chest. More than sadness, it made him feel anger. 

"Does it look like I'm playing, Felix?" Sylvain raised his voice a little, looking very hurt from Felix's words. He should've known from Ingrid that Felix was not the type to back down from a stupid argument like this.

"Isn't playing around all you've been doing? Isn't this the perfect opportunity for you now?"

They were both standing on either side of the bed now. Felix tried to sneak away again, but Sylvain was in the best position to stop him from getting close to the door.

Sylvain pretended that Felix's words didn't hurt him, reminding himself that this was all an act. Felix isn't honest with his feelings, so he shouldn't let it get to him. But it was harder said than done when Felix knew exactly where to attack him, but Sylvain can't remember where Felix's weaknesses were.

"What are you talking about?" He asked, referring to this opportunity that Felix spoke of.

"You don't have to force yourself to put up with me anymore. There's nothing between us, and you practically look at me like a stranger now anyway. This way, you can go ahead and get married off to some woman and continue the great Gautier lineage." Felix extended his arms in the end in an exaggerated manner. 

"I'll make things easier for you to understand." Felix continued, "Before you lost your memory, we called it off already. So whatever it is that Ingrid and the others told you, it doesn't matter anymore."

Sylvain was quiet with his head down. Felix's voice was ringing in his ears painfully. He didn't know what to say, or rather, he didn't know how to defend his feelings right now. Because the fact still stands: he can't remember anything.


	9. I will keep remembering.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A not very explicit scene is in this chapter.

Felix turned away from Sylvain and started heading for the door. As soon as he started to open the knob, Sylvain was already behind him and pushed the door closed again. 

"You really know how to hurt me, huh? It's not the fact that you just told me to go off and get married for the prestigious Gautier bloodline. And its not the fact that you're using my amnesia against me." He sounded irritated, pushing both hands onto the door on either side of Felix to lock him in place.

Sylvain raised his hand to cup Felix's chin, while his other arm forcibly turned Felix's body to face him. "I'm most hurt because you keep lying to my face even when you already look like this." 

Felix's whole face was red and his eyes were pouring out tears like no one in this whole kingdom has ever seen before. No one except Sylvain. He still tried to fight himself free, but Sylvain's grip was serious now. His hand on Felix's chin was no longer gentle as he pulled Felix closer to kiss him.

The kiss was sloppy and desperate, their teeth bumping against each other as they tried to consume as much of the other as they could. Sylvain's grip on Felix's chin managed to finally make his mouth open wider. There were tears flowing down both their faces, but they weren't turning away from each other anymore.

Sylvain is making it very clear that he's not allowing Felix to run away from him again. He was a bit more steady and careful as he pushed Felix's back against the door while they continued to deepen their kisses. A careful hand tucked behind Felix's head despite the obvious forcefulness he was showing.

Even when Felix tried to catch a quick breath, Sylvain would immediately be there to pull him back in. Felix's head was starting to get a little hazy as the kiss was getting more and more intense. He wasn't even able to fight back as he was being lifted and pushed down back onto the bed.

Despite not having any concrete memories of Felix in his head, his body completely remembers the sensation of kissing this man. His hands roamed around Felix's body like its always known how.

"S-Sylvain..." Felix said with a breathy moan, pushing Sylvain's body off of him. Sylvain only smirked and gripped the hand that was trying to push away his chest, guiding it closer to his heart that was beating very loudly. 

"So what if I don't have those memories in my head right now. This dumb head can forget over and over again, but believe me Felix, I will keep remembering." Sylvain leaned closer and placed a kiss on Felix's forehead. 

"I..." Felix tried thinking, but he was very spent after being pushed down and kissed without restraint. He felt embarrassed that he wasn't even able to stop Sylvain this time, and that his whole body betrayed him by submitting to the feeling.

He then noticed something else that betrayed him in this body. Sylvain was amazed that Felix's face could get even redder than it already was. Felix squirmed on the bed to try and push Sylvain off of him again, screaming in his head from embarrassment. 

"Why are you still trying to escape from me?" Sylvain sounded very hurt now, pulling Felix closer for a tight hug as they roll atop the bed. It was only then did Sylvain realize what was wrong, feeling something hard poking his stomach. 

Felix covered his face refused to say anything, but Sylvain was already chuckling against Felix's shoulder. "If it makes you less embarrassed..." Sylvain quietly whispered, pushing one of Felix's legs in between his own. This time it was Felix who could feel something poking his thigh.

Sylvain pulled away to climb over Felix again, leaving a soft kiss up his neck to Felix's cheek.

It wasn't long before Felix started thrashing around again, but Sylvain was heavy on top of him and locked him in place. Sylvain had snaked a hand between them to undo Felix's pants and gently massage the growing tent in his crotch. 

Since Felix wasn't telling him to stop despite thrashing about, Sylvain continued. Without any prior knowledge on how to do this, Sylvain was pretty quick in removing Felix's pants and underwear, rubbing and gripping Felix between his hands in a swift rhythm. Felix was trying his best to not make a single sound, unconsciously clutching his hands hard on Sylvain's shoulder.

It didn't take long before Felix finally came undone on Sylvain's hand, releasing his painful grip on Sylvain's shoulder and relaxing onto the bed. 

Even with the death grip on his shoulders, Sylvain didn't care and felt very accomplished with what he'd done. He was ready to tease Felix a bit more and get himself off, but his jaw dropped when he looked up and saw that Felix had passed out. 

Sylvain was still very hard inside his pants, but he felt defeated. He quietly climbed out of the bed, and he gently placed a blanket over Felix after putting his underwear back on. Without any other option, he ducked into the bathroom to get himself off alone. He only imagined Felix panting and wanting underneath him for a few seconds and he came with a force that would have embarrassed him immensely if Felix saw it.

When he was done, he got back out to slowly slip into the bed beside Felix. He wasn't really sleepy yet, so he spent some time to stare closely at all of Felix's features and will it to be engraved deep into his mind. Felix had a small face and he had these deep grooves between his nose to each eye that made him look older than he was, but Sylvain found it pretty and fitting. 

He noticed that Felix had a slight widow's peak that was always covered by unkempt hair, which he could only guess was because Felix didn't care too much about his looks when getting ready in the morning. Felix also had this slight frown on his face even when sleeping, but Sylvain only found the scowl increasingly adorable the longer he stared at him.

It was deep into the night at that point, and both men fell soundly asleep wrapped up in each other's embrace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm currently debating whether I should put an actual explicit chapter or not, but I'll be sure to put a note before the start for those who are uncomfortable with explicit sex.

**Author's Note:**

> Will be updating daily until its caught up with the current chapter I'm still writing. Currently at 9 chapters so I can post daily for #SylvixWeek2020


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